Tuesday, 15 March 2016

Writing Sample T1 The Camp Contest.

Description: I am writing to entertain. I chose to write about camp. "So he snots on me and Jack and he spits at Shaun..."  Read more to find out what happens....

Next activity at school camp is kayaking. Yay, I run to the kayak. I jump in the kayak.  I get pushed into the water. Moldy stuff comes in  my kayak. It is slimy . I never knew I could  kayak. We are playing a game. We throw the ball. You get a point... 3 2 1 GO! Jack throws the ball. I kayak over to it. I was going too fast so I  went past it. So I jumped in the slimy water and I get a point, sadly it is time to go now.

The last activity is horse riding yay. Oh I stood in horse poo. I can wash it off later. "Cohen it is your turn" said Maryanne, yay.

"Can I have Fin?" Yep, cool It is a bumpy ride and he stops for a drink. 10 mins later he is done, Time to hop off and you can feed Pepa. Pepa is my favourite horse. So I went into  his paddock and I patted him. Then me Jack and Shaun went in Pepa's paddock. If he snots on you he likes you and when he spits at you he hates you. So he snots on me and Jack and he spits at Shaun. Then it was time to go back on the bus, where I had a little nap on the way back to school.

Feedback I think next time when we write a story you should get some people or adults to help you spell the words. from Shaun ;}

Feedforword I like how you explained what activity you are doing. from Shaun

1 comment:

  1. What a cool piece of writing Cohen! I love it! You have a great 'voice' that comes through when you write. I loved talking to you about your writing today. You sure have improved already this year! Great stuff!
    Can you please add a photo of your draft writing here too? This shows where you started from! Thanks